The ones who had the most success at resisting temptation at age four went on to be the most successful as adults. More than a decade after these early experiments were published, Mischel and his colleagues tracked down the children, by then young adults, and did so again as they entered middle age. Using a procedure that came to be dubbed the “marshmallow test,” he offered children a choice between immediately getting the white, cylindrical candies (or another of their favorite treats) or else receiving a couple of those same sweets if they could only wait for a while. Self-control, however, is the real deal.Įxperiments on self-control began in the 1960s with pioneering studies of delaying gratification conducted by Walter Mischel, now at Columbia University. But having higher self-esteem does not produce stellar report cards. When researchers tracked students over long periods, they found that getting good grades results in better self-esteem later. When analyzed more closely, the data suggested that self-esteem does not itself lead to success. High self-esteem is associated with doing well in life, so it was reasonable to assume that a boost would improve people's lives. Thirty years ago many of them mistakenly regarded cultivation of self-esteem as a panacea for personal problems and social ills-an honest mistake. Social psychologists' appreciation of the importance of self-control reflects a shift in perspective. Given that most of us lack the kingly power to command others to do our bidding and that we need to enlist the cooperation of others to survive, the ability to restrain aggression, greed and sexual impulses becomes a necessity. Indeed, the desire to control ourselves and our environment is deeply rooted in the psyche and underlies human engagement in science, politics, business and the arts. Self-control is another name for changing ourselves-and it is by far the most critical way we have of adapting to our environment. Brazilian writer Paulo Coelho summed up these benefits in one of his novels: “If you conquer yourself, then you will conquer the world.”
What is more, they are less likely to go astray by getting arrested, becoming addicted to drugs or experiencing unplanned pregnancies. And they have better intimate relationships (as their partners confirm) and are more trusted by others. People with good control over their thought processes, emotions and behaviors not only flourish in school and in their jobs but are also healthier, wealthier and more popular. The ability to regulate our impulses and desires is indispensable to success in living and working with others.
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